🧾 By the Resibo Republic Gazette
Welcome to the Grand Budget Theater! 🎭
Each year in the Resibo Republic, the nation gathers to witness a legendary production:
“The National Budget Deliberations” — a high-stakes drama starring senators, representatives, and a lot of acting surprised.
But behind the velvet curtain, away from the cameras and committee snacks, lies a mysterious artform known only to the initiated:
The Disappearing Insertion.
Act I: The Script Nobody Reads
It starts with a 5,000-page draft budget, dropped like a phonebook on the desks of sleepy lawmakers. By page 3, most are:
- Asleep 💤
- Live-streaming their lunch 🥘
- Or practicing their “we condemn corruption” face in the mirror 🪞
Hidden somewhere around page 3,847 is a line like:
“₱975M for Community Resilience Infrastructure Development via Resilient Innovation Modules”
Sounds great! Except no one knows what that means. And that’s the point.
Act II: The Magical Rewording
This is where the real magicians enter:
The Insert Illusionists. 🧙♂️
They use enchanted phrases like:
- “For urgent localized needs”
- “Inter-parochial connectivity”
- “Special Purpose Fund”
- Or the classic: “For the good of the people.”
By the time you ask what it’s for, the hearing’s adjourned and everyone’s clapping.
Act III: The Sleight of Hand
Insertions don’t vanish. They transform.
They become:
- A ₱120M waiting shed in the middle of nowhere
- A “research study” with no output
- Or a ghost bridge that leads to a lawmaker’s resort
The process is so smooth that even the COA just goes, “Hmm, noted.”
Act IV: The Encore – Reelection
Despite billions of insertions vanishing mysteriously, the stars of the show always return for a sequel — with campaign posters printed in 4K and tarpaulins sturdier than public school roofs.
How?
Because they say the magic words:
“Nasa puso ko ang bayan.”
“Walang kupit, puro serbisyo.”
“Pa-picture ka muna bago ko i-endorse.”
The crowd cheers. The curtain drops. And somewhere backstage, another ₱300M quietly leaves the budget hall.
Bonus: Budget Illusionist Starter Pack
Want to be a master of insertions? Here’s what you’ll need:
✅ A vague but noble-sounding project title
✅ A partner NGO named “Institute of Strategic Wholesomeness”
✅ A TikTok dance to distract from questions
✅ And a very thick folder labeled: “CLASSIFIED.”