A satirical blog post by Resibo Republic
Day 1: The Funds Mysteriously Appear
Vice President Sardi Lutra stood at the podium like a tarsier in headlights, as ₱125 million in confidential funds were quietly approved by the Office of Budget Sorcery. No questions asked, no paperwork seen. Just pure, unadulterated resibo magic.
“Confidential ito, kaya walang tanong-tanong. Basta may cheque, may tiwala,” whispered a budget otter in the halls of secrecy.
Day 2: BBM Says ‘That’s Not My Department’
President Bumbum Mermakmak, in full vlogger regalia, was asked about the VP’s rapidly vanishing millions.
“Ay… eh… hindi ko alam yan. Basta ako, Japan po kami ni L. Vlog content ‘to!”
He then waved while boarding a plane with First Lady Lutsina, camera rolling. 🎥✈️
Day 3: Congress Plays Blind Otter
During a House budget hearing, lawmakers squinted at the fine print. Or rather, the blank pages.
“May line item po bang ‘Secret Fund for Emotional Support Helicopters’?” one curious otter asked.
“Shhh. Confidential!” barked another. Gavel dropped. Funds passed.
Day 4: The Public Reacts
Netizens from Palawan to Pampanga asked, “Saan napunta?”
Theories included:
- Time-travel tuk-tuks for emergency tours
- Invisible learning modules
- Customized bulletproof durian helmets for Davao missions
Memes exploded. TikTok danced. Transparency disappeared.
Day 5: Sara’s Silence is Deafening
VP Snarli vanished from press briefings. Instead, her official statement came via a karaoke version of Let It Go posted on her official page.
🎤 “Let it goooo, can’t audit it anymore…”
Day 6: Senate Holds a Hearing
Senator General Barkto Dela Resibo asked if there was a “legitimate national threat” during that 11-day window.
“Yes, threat of boredom,” replied a spokesperson, before disappearing into a ₱50M utility van.
Day 7: Enter Harry Resiboque
The Resibo Republic’s favorite legal eagle, Senator Harry Resiboque, demanded a full audit.
“Justice must be served! But gently. May confidentiality po tayo. May delicadeza. May… hmm, may pa-lunch ba?”
Day 8: The 11 Days Explained
An aide revealed the real itinerary:
- Day 1-3: Coffee tasting in Davao
- Day 4: Meeting with local unicorn breeders
- Day 5-7: Helicopter joyrides to test altitude snacks
- Day 8-11: Confidential karaoke competition with selected barangay captains
Day 9: BBM Returns from Abroad, Confused
Bumbum landed from his sixth foreign trip and was asked again about the funds.
“Ah, si Sardi? Masarap yung ramen sa Tokyo ha. Naka-vlog na yan! Next question, please!”
Day 10: Imeldita Shellshell Breaks Her Silence
The ghost of Velda appeared during a spiritual press conference.
“In my day, we spent on shoes and chandeliers. At least those were visible! The girl needs style. Where are the matching pearls?”
Day 11: Funds Vanish. Audit Begins. Comedy Lives On.
The Commission on Audit released a one-page statement:
“Where are the receipts?”
Sardina responded with a sticker pack on Viber that said:
“🥸🧾 Who, me?”
📝 Final Word from Resibo Republic:
The Curious Case of the Vanishing Millions reminds us that in the Resibo Republic, 11 days is more than enough to move a nation—from confusion, to denial, to song, and back to silence.
Stay tuned for the sequel:
“The Return of the Resibo: Mission Auditable.”