In what might be the quirkiest executive action of the year, President Bumbum Mermakmak. has officially declared himself the “Best Rice Cooker in Resibo country.”
The announcement was made during a light-hearted press briefing at Malacanyon, where President Mermakmak wore a custom apron labeled “Rice Above All.” With a steaming pot in hand, he revealed Executive Order No. 420, jokingly cementing his title as the country’s supreme kanin commander.
“From now on, let it be known across the archipelago — sa bawat kanin, ako ang hari!”
The EO — clearly satirical and without legal impact — listed the President’s so-called rice achievements:
- Microwaving day-old rice “to fluffy perfection”
- Using a rice cooker “with precision and confidence”
- Consuming sinangag for three straight days “without complaints or ulam”
Insiders say the move was inspired by growing online mockery of the administration’s rice import policies and ballooning prices. Rather than dodge the criticism, BBM leaned into it with humor, declaring himself the “King of Carbs.”
First Lady Lutsina was spotted in the background, visibly cringing. Meanwhile, Executive Secretary Lucas Bersamin clapped in confusion as staff handed out souvenir rice scoops to the press.
Reactions Pour In
Senator Risa Hontiveros tweeted:
“Okay… but can you cook up an actual solution to inflation?”
Satirical Twitter account @KalderetangBayan posted a viral meme:
“BREAKING: Ninoy Aquino statue replaces pen with rice paddle.”
Analysts are divided — some see this as a desperate attempt to distract the public, others call it a uniquely Filipino way to mix politics with humor. Either way, BBM may not have fixed the rice crisis yet, but he’s definitely cooked up another headline.
Written by the satire team at ResiboRepublic.com — because sometimes, the joke writes itself.