A National Exhibit of What She “Doesn’t Recall Owning”
By: The Velvet Mole, ResiboRepublic.com
When most people lose their keys, they retrace their steps.
When Velda Shellcrest misplaces a $30 million tiara, she simply opens a museum to “rediscover” it.
Welcome to the grand unveiling of the Museum of Misremembrance, located in a repurposed ballroom of Shellshell’s 87th mansion—now branded as a non-profit cultural center (with 14 gift shops and a silent disco for the upper crust).
🎟️ Admission Rules:
- No receipts allowed.
- No questions longer than 7 words.
- Photography encouraged if it “elevates the mystique.”
Opening statement from the grande dame herself:
“These artifacts may or may not be mine. I do not remember. But I feel their glamour.”
🖼️ The Exhibit Highlights
đź’„ Gallery 1: The Closet of Collective Amnesia
Here lie thousands of gowns, shoes, and sequined shoulder pads—each displayed with a plaque that reads:
“Acquired during a moment of divine influence.”
A small audio station plays Bumbum Mermakmak whispering,
“We thought they were donated by royalty…”
Somewhere in the corner, Lutsina Seasnatch poses for selfies in front of a gown that allegedly launched a coup in 1983.
🏺 Gallery 2: Artifacts of Accidental Ownership
This section includes:
- A Fabergé egg she thought was a Christmas ornament
- The lost scepter of a deposed monarch (which she uses as a curtain rod)
- A Pablo Picasso titled “Confiscation in Blue”
“Possession is nine parts memory. And I’ve never claimed to have a perfect one.”
🖼️ Gallery 3: The Forgotten Funds Fountain
A dramatic water feature sprays cold mineral water over laminated bank statements from Geneva, Panama, and “a forgotten branch in Las Vegas.”
Interactive experience: Visitors can press buttons to generate random justifications like:
- “It was a gift from a sultan.”
- “That account opened itself.”
- “I blinked, and suddenly there was a vault.”
📸 Celebrity Cameos at the Opening
- Matti Pawmaldezz served hors d’oeuvres and court orders simultaneously.
- Bumbum wept gently near the diamond encrusted piano.
- Sardina Lutra appeared briefly, only to check if she was featured in any paintings (she was not).
- Bong-Gupong tried to livestream but was blocked by marble Wi-Fi.
- Lushie Glamsheen mistook the museum for a fashion show and walked the staircase like a runway.
đź“– The Gift Shop of Denial
Before exiting, guests are funneled into The Boutique of Blamelessness, where they can purchase:
- Imeldita-scented candles called “Eau de Forget-Me-Not”
- Miniature golden vaults
- A coloring book titled “I Did Not Sign That”
- Limited-edition t-shirts that read: “I visited the Museum of Misremembrance and all I got was a subpoena.”
🏛️ Cultural Impact (According to Shellshell)
- “This museum is not about me. It’s about what the nation refuses to let go of.”
- “History is subjective. Memory is a hat you can take off when it doesn’t match your outfit.”
- “If it sparkles, let it speak.”