Starring: Velda Shellcraft🐚, Bumbum Mermakmak 🧸, Lutsina Seasnatch 🐆, Sardina Lutra 🐍, Matti Pawmaldezz 🐾
Location: Malacanyon Grand Ballroom
Category: Komiks | Satirical News
By: Team Otterminders
Date: July 18, 2025
It was the most glamorous night of the fiscal year.
The chandeliers sparkled with refurbished campaign funds. The floor was waxed using melted budget proposals. And the theme?
“High Crimes & Higher Heels”
– a Masquerade of Misused Mandates
Tonight, the Malacanyon elite gathered not just to waltz—but to wear their resibos like couture.
Grand Entrances, Grander Guilt
First to descend the velvet staircase was Velda Shellcraft, dressed in a flowing gown made entirely from recycled COA reports and senate transcripts. Her earrings? Tiny SARO booklets laminated in gold leaf.
Velda (to the press):
“I don’t just wear the budget—I shape it.”
Sardina Lutra followed in a titanium-stitched military ballgown accessorized with pork-barrel earrings.
“My outfit is sponsored by truth… and a few double-dead allocations.”
Bumbum Mermakmak shuffled in looking confused, draped in a barong sewn from bond paper marked ‘For Unity Use Only.’
“Am I underdressed? I thought this was a rice summit.”
Matti’s Exploding Confetti Cannon
Matti Pawmaldezz, never one to be outshined, arrived in a holographic tuxedo made of voucher prints. His belt buckle: a miniature rotating pork barrel.
To distract from a “minor” ₱50 billion scandal, he unveiled a surprise:
💥 A confetti cannon that blasted budget receipts across the ballroom.
🎟️ Each guest caught one and read:
“You have been part of an unauthorized allocation. Congratulations!”
Lutsina Seasnatch, unimpressed, sipped champagne through a platinum straw while her handbag hummed with incoming whistleblower texts.
The Resibo Runway Walk
As the orchestra played “Danse of the Development Funds,” the hosts announced the highlight of the evening:
🎤 “Welcome to the Resibo Runway!”
Each guest had to walk the runway and explain their attire’s budget origins.
- Sardina twirled in her outfit made from rolled-up barangay requests.
“Each thread? A promise I never kept, but posed for.”
- Lutsina showcased a structured power suit lined with classified NDAs.
“Tailored for denial. Padded with silence.”
- Matti, sweating under the polygraph lapel pin, tried to moonwalk.
“I call this look… ‘Innocent Until Audited.’”
The Disaster Twist: Bumbum’s Reveal
Midway through the event, Bumbum stumbled, tearing his barong open to reveal—
A Post-It note stuck to his chest that read:
“BUDGET GONE. CHECK WITH MOM.”
The ballroom froze.
Velda gasped.
Sardina screamed.
Matti fainted again.
Lutsina, calm as ever: “And there it is.”
🎬 Final Scene: The Ball Ends, But the Receipts Keep Spinning
As the guests began leaving with their scandal souvenir bags, the projector played a surprise ending:
📽️ A slideshow of actual pending COA cases, in alphabetical order.
Background music: “My Way (To Divert Funds).”
Velda, smiling serenely:
“It’s not about guilt or innocence… It’s about showing up fabulous.”
🧾 Resibo Notes:
- Bumbum was last seen backstage asking if the Post-It on his chest counted as “official documentation.”
- Lutsina’s NDA-lined suit will be auctioned at the next Resibo Gala.
- Matti’s confetti cannon has been reclassified as “non-essential explosive transparency.”
Filed under: #BudgetBall #DressedToSuppress #MalacanyonMasquerade
📆 July 18, 2025
🖋️ By Team Otterminders