Starring: Lutsina Seasnatch 🐆, Bumbum Mermakmak 🧸, Sardina Lutra 🐍, Marty Pawmaldezz 🐾
Location: Presidential Garden, Malacanyon Palace
Category: Komiks | Satirical News
By: Team Otterminders
Date: July 18, 2025
The sky was overcast. The teacups were trembling. And the polygraph machine was fully charged.
At precisely 3:00 p.m., a surprise invitation was issued to key figures of the Resibo Republic: a garden tea hosted by none other than First Lady Lutsina Seasnatch, known both for her elegant silence and her deadly stares.
But this wasn’t any ordinary garden affair.
Today, loyalty would be tested—not with words, but with voltage.
Welcome to the Truth Throne™
In the middle of the palace garden sat a throne unlike any other: velvet-lined, gold-trimmed, and wired to a custom-made polygraph machine from Geneva—gifted to Lutsina by a mysterious unnamed senator.
Lutsina, sipping chamomile tea: “One by one, you will take the seat. Your loyalty… will speak for itself.”
Bumbum looked around nervously, clutching his “Unity Is Love” mug.
Marty immediately tried to fake a medical emergency.
Sardina just smirked and took off her boots.
Round 1: Marty’s Malfunction
Marty Pawmaldezz sat first. Before the questioning began, the throne delivered a mild electric shock.
“AHH—di pa ako nagsasalita!” he screamed.
Lutsina (calmly pressing a button): “Just calibrating for truth resistance.”
Question 1: “Did you submit the ₱50 billion insertions for floodlights and feng shui?”
Marty: “No.”
BUZZZ! 🔥 Shock delivered.
Marty: “Okay fine! It was for a rooftop jacuzzi at the House!”
Bumbum, sipping iced gulaman:
“Can I go last? Or never?”
Round 2: Sardina’s Taho Defense
Sardina Lutra sauntered in, twirling her umbrella. She plopped herself into the chair and leaned back like it was a hammock in Davao.
Lutsina: “Have you been coordinating with shadow councils for 2028?”
Sardina: “Only taho vendors. We are mobilizing street nutrition.”
BUZZZ!
Sardina: “Okay, and maybe one vice-mayor in Region 11.”
Lutsina: “Are you planning a soft launch or a soft coup?”
Sardina: “Is there a difference?”
The throne, unable to process sarcasm, sparked briefly.
Round 3: Bumbum’s Unity Breakdown
Bumbum approached the throne as if it were a Senate hearing.
He sat down.
Nothing happened.
No buzz. No shock. No light.
Lutsina, raising a brow: “Are you… even connected to anything?”
Marty (muttering): “That’s been our question for 3 years.”
Lutsina: “Are you aware of the ₱241 billion in floating allocations?”
Bumbum: “Ma… I just plant rice.”
The throne beeped in confusion. It had no idea how to process that answer.
Final Verdict: No One Passed
Lutsina stood, heels clicking against marble.
“None of you passed,” she declared.
“Which means only I can be trusted. Again.”
Sardina, still chewing on budget-flavored macarons:
“Your test is rigged.”
Lutsina: “So is your taho truck.”
Marty: “Can I request a re-test with anesthesia?”
Bumbum: “Can we go back to the shoe closet? At least the secrets were padded.”
🎬 Epilogue: Loyalty Is a Lightning Bolt
As the sun set behind Malacottage Palace, one last voice echoed from the polygraph system:
“WARNING: Device overheating from excessive half-truths.”
The throne promptly caught fire.
Sardina took a selfie.
Marty fainted into a rose bush.
Lutsina didn’t blink.
🧾 Resibo Notes:
- Marty now refuses to sit on any chairs without checking for wires.
- Bumbum is currently undergoing “Unity Debriefing Therapy.”
- Sardina has ordered 5 new thrones for her own loyalty game show.
Filed under: #ThroneOfLies #MalacottageFiles #PolygraphPolitics
📆 July 18, 2025
🖋️ By Staff ResiboRepublic.com