Where ₱241 Billion Meets Prada
📍Malacanyon Palace, Secret Storage Room
By Resibo Republic Staff
Published: July 12, 2025
👜 Scene 1: The Discovery
It began with a routine COA audit… and a very curious auditor.
Behind a seemingly normal bookshelf in Malacanyon, auditors found a door. Behind that door, a closet.
Not just any closet.
Velda Shellcraft’s Budget Closet.
Inside, piles of handbags, shoes, and glittering accessories hid more than just fashion statements. Hidden among the stilettos and pearls were stacks of documents — ledgers, receipts, and a few mysterious envelopes labeled: “For National Interest Only.”
COA auditor: “At first, I thought I was in a boutique. Then I realized, this was a ledger in disguise.”
💼 Scene 2: The Files
The files reveal…
- ₱15 billion allocated for “Cultural Projects” that suspiciously include private hair salons and shoe repairs for VIPs.
- A ₱7 billion “Emergency Fund” used mostly for gold-plated name tags and custom-made pearl buttons.
- Hundreds of millions tagged as “Miscellaneous Expenses,” which, sources say, include snacks for palace cats and secret karaoke sessions.
Inside source: “Budget transparency? More like budget haute couture.”
🎩 Scene 3: The Fashion Audit
An undercover COA team tried to trace the money trail, but the path always led to:
- One-of-a-kind pumps.
- Limited edition handbags from Milan.
- A golden fan with a ₱500,000 price tag.
The mystery deepened when the team found a ledger entry labeled:
“Purchase of ‘National Pride’ — ₱500 million.”
No further explanation given.
🧾 Scene 4: The Official Explanation
When confronted, palace officials claimed:
“All expenditures are in accordance with national cultural preservation and executive aesthetics.”
Meanwhile, Velda was reportedly “overseeing the preservation of the nation’s shoe collection,” which she calls “a living archive of Philippine resilience.”
👠 Scene 5: Public Reaction
The Filipino public was not amused:
“If shoes were currency, Velda would be the richest woman in the world.” — Netizen @ResiboWatcher
“I want my ₱500 million fan receipt, please.” — Concerned taxpayer
“Are we funding government or the Met Gala?” — Political analyst
🎬 Coming Soon on ResiboRepublic.com:
- “The Escalator Summit in Cebu” — When the nation’s leaders can’t even ride an escalator.
- “Budget Witch Hunt in Baguio” — Cold temps, hot tempers, and missing receipts.
- “Hello Garci: The Audio Files” — Democracy’s most awkward phone call set to music.
📥 Got a budget mystery to report? Send your resibo tips and receipts to:
📧 editor@resiborepublic.com
💬 @ResiboRepublicPH