A gripping tale of shoes, pride, and zero working parts.
📍Mactan-Cebu International Airport, Terminal Drama
By Resibo Republic Staff
Published: July 12, 2025
✈️ Scene 1: The Arrival
A full motorcade screeches to a halt outside Cebu Airport.
Out comes BBM, in a crisp terno-barong, followed by Matti Pawmaldezz dragging two rolling suitcases filled with budget drafts and baby cologne.
Then the royal thump of platform heels.
Velda Shellcraft 95% pearl, 5% human, descends from the car with slow-motion grace.
Lutsina: “If this escalator doesn’t work, I’m escalating this to Paris.”
🛗 Scene 2: The Escalator Betrayal
They approach the grand Cebu Airport escalator—only to find it wrapped in yellow tape and labeled:
“Out of Order. Since 2023. Please take the stairs. God bless.”
BBM freezes. Velda gasps.
Velda: “What is the point of a nation… if it cannot elevate its leaders gracefully?”
Matti, panicking, pulls out his phone to Google “Emergency Throne Carriers, Cebu.”
📦 Scene 3: Operation Human Elevator
Plan B activates.
Four interns from the Office of the Presidential Adviser on Resibo Affairs (OPARA) rush forward with a collapsible Velda Platform last used in 1981.
“This was built for flood evacuations,” one whispers.
“No, this was built for photo ops,” the other corrects.
BBM refuses to climb stairs.
Matti suggests riding on the backs of DepEd consultants.
Velda sits on the platform and raises one gloved hand:
🎤 “Lift me, you fools. I did not bring 27 suitcases for nothing.”
🧾 Scene 4: The Budget Summit Begins
Inside the VIP lounge, a press conference is called.
- Topic: The ₱241B in blank budget insertions
- Reality: 3 hours of wardrobe changes, and 0 answers.
Matti:
“These insertions are like escalators — not always visible, but essential to upward motion.”
Lutsina:
“That’s not how logic or physics works, Matti.”
BBM:
“Let me be clear… I am not clear on anything.”
Sardina Lutra arrives late via jet ski and eats a siopao silently in the back.
💥 Scene 5: Unexpected Lift
As tensions rise, a miracle occurs.
The escalator suddenly whirs to life… then promptly short-circuits and bursts into flames.
Everyone runs — except Velda, who calmly removes her shoe, uses it as a fan, and smiles.
“This nation always rises… even if it’s manually lifted.”
🗣️ Audience Reactions:
“This is the Titanic, if the iceberg was a broken escalator.” – Cebu airport janitor
“Velda should replace DOT Secretary. She knows how to make an entrance.” – Lifestyle columnist
“So that’s where the ₱241B went — hydraulic platforms.” – Suspicious taxpayer
🎬 Coming Soon on ResiboRepublic.com:
- “Budget Witch Hunt in Baguio”
Featuring cold weather, hot tempers, and a cameo by Senator Harry Roque. - “Hello Garci: The Audio Files”
A jukebox musical of democracy’s most awkward phone call. - “The Closet of National Concern: Inside Velda’s Budget Files”
What’s in the Prada purse? COA wants to know.
📥 Send your resibos, rants, and escalator horror stories to:
📧 editor@resiborepublic.com
💬 @ResiboRepublicPH
Only on… ResiboRepublic.com — where truth rides the service elevator. 🛗💸