By Resibo Komiks Bureau | July 2025
LEYTE — Locals were stunned at sunrise as a red carpet mysteriously unfurled across the legendary San Juanico Bridge, with whispers that Asia’s Songbird Regine Velasquez would perform a sky-high concert. But it quickly turned into a theatrical showdown starring none other than Velda Shellcraft, Matti Pawmaldezz, and actor-director Richchomp Gollamakis.
🦋 The Velda Entrance
Arriving on a golden floating platform shaped like a shell, Velda Shellcraft proclaimed:
“This bridge is my gift. To me. From me.”
Wearing a butterfly gown last seen in a 1970s documentary about herself, Shellcraft began rehearsing her interpretative dance entitled “Ang Awit ng Allocation.”
🪧 Matti’s Bridge Rebranding
Not to be outdone, Matti Pawmaldezz was spotted handing an unmarked brown envelope to a signage man beside the bridge. When questioned, he muttered:
“Call it… Pawmaldezz Passage. Subtle lang.”
Witnesses say he also tried to install a holographic bust of himself near the bridge railings.
🎥 Richchomp Rolls Camera
Meanwhile, actor-turned-leytean auteur Richchomp Gollamakis was directing a teleserye on the exact same bridge — complete with drones, soap opera lighting, and backup dancers in formal wear.
“Scene 12: When the ghosts of budget past whisper to my abs!”
— Richchomp, before yelling “Action!”
He later revealed the episode would stream exclusively on Kumu and pirated TikTok clips.
🎤 The High Note That Shook the Nation
Just as chaos peaked, a silhouette of a diva (possibly Regine or her impersonator) appeared at the midpoint of the bridge. One note was all it took — long, powerful, and Auto-Tuned by the wind.
“With one high note… she summoned the Coast Guard.”
— anonymous marites on site
🚁 Finale: Sky Exit and Netflix Pitch
As confetti exploded from nowhere, Velda Shellcraft was lifted via helicopter, waving with both hands and one shoe. Pawmaldezz yelled from below:
“We’ll rename the bridge after you anyway!”
Richchomp took a selfie with his teleserye crew and shouted:
“Netflix, call me!”
🦦 Resibo Takeaway:
What started as a tribute turned into a full-blown budget opera in the sky. Whether it was a concert, a campaign, or just a family flex-fest — the nation once again witnessed that in the Resibo Republic, the bridge is always under construction… or rebranding.
📌 Filed under: Komiks, Shellshell Chronicles, Budget Theater
🖊️ Author: Team Lutraphiles | Illustrated by Otternauts Studio