In yet another episode of “Asphalt and Apostles,” Supreme Contractor-in-Chief Bumbum Mermakmak has summoned the kingdom’s favorite builders — led by none other than St. Timothy Construction — to explain why half the nation looks like it’s stuck in the “under construction” phase of a video game.
The Roll Call of Excuses
At the Great Hall of Resibo, Bumbum raised his royal eyebrow and asked the first question:
Bumbum: “St. Timothy, bakit parang Minecraft ang kalsada ko?”
St. Timothy: “Sir, that’s not unfinished… that’s open-world gameplay.”
Meanwhile, other contractors chimed in with equally divine excuses:
- San Pedro Cement Mixers: “Boss, tubig po talaga ang specialty namin, hindi semento.”
- St. Nicholas Builders: “Next Christmas po matatapos yan. Promise.”
- Our Lady of the Perpetually Pending Projects, Inc.: “Forever in progress po kami, gaya ng pag-ibig.”
Marty Pawmaldezz: Spin Master Extraordinaire
While citizens fumed over potholes big enough to hide an otter, Marty Pawmaldezz leaned over to whisper:
“Boss, hindi naman ito substandard… tawagin na lang nating avant-garde infrastructure.”
The “New Normal” in Construction Standards
To calm the masses, Bumbum announced new categories of “innovative design”:
- Unfinished Bridges = “Scenic Tourist Stops”
- Crooked School Buildings = “Earthquake-Ready Angled Learning Centers”
- Missing Walls = “Eco-Friendly Open-Air Classrooms”
Citizens clapped sarcastically. Contractors clapped sincerely. Marty clapped for himself.
Closing Blessing
In his final statement, Bumbum declared:
“These projects are not substandard… they are holy works-in-progress. If faith can move mountains, faith can also finish flyovers.”
The crowd gave a collective sigh, hoping one day to drive on a road that doesn’t suddenly vanish into a rice field.