By Resibo Republic Satirical News Desk
The Hague, Netherlands – Parang grand finals ng Tawag ng Tanghalan, dumagsa ngayong linggo ang mga kabayan mula Italy, Norway, Spain, Germany, at kung saan-saan pa para sa “Digong Pilgrimage 2025.”
One week leave? ✅
Matching jackets? ✅
Baon na lumpia? ✅
📸 FAKE PHOTO CAPTIONS (Pang-viral Edition)🍗🍟🍡
- Photo 1: “Mga kabayan na naka-line up sa train station, parang PBB eviction night pero may pancit canton sa bag.”
- Photo 2: “Team Lumpia on standby, handang mag-distribute kung sakaling dumaan si Tatay Digong.”
- Photo 3: “Dutch police na-confuse kung may rally o may fiesta — napainom na lang ng kapeng barako.”
- Photo 4: “Mga pilgrims practicing their ‘selfie with former president’ pose bago ang actual encounter.”
Operation: One Train to Rule Them All
“Hindi puwedeng sabog. Dapat parang flash mob pero mas maraming banana ketchup,” ani Mang Ben, official Team Pancit captain.
May tatlong squads:
- Team Pancit – Logistics at merienda.
- Team Lumpia – PR at diplomatic relations sa locals.
- Karaoke Squad – Background music at mood setting.
Dutch Reactions
“Why are they shouting ‘Solid kami forever’? Is that a soccer team?” – Confused Dutch commuter na naka-bicycle.
“They offered me pandesal… twice.” – Dutch grandmother na hindi alam paano tatanggihan ang kabayan hospitality.
Economic Impact
📈 Sold out ang kapeng barako sa Filipino stores sa Amsterdam.
📉 Naubos ang Boy Bawang supply sa buong Benelux.
💰 Tumataas ang presyo ng leche flan dahil sa pilgrimage demand surge.
💬 Quote of the Day:.🎀💕
“Kung may lumpia at kape, malaki ang chance magpakita si Tatay.” – Insider na ayaw magpakilala, pero hawak ang megaphone.