🧳 CONFIDENTIAL CASHBAGS: THE AIRPORT INCIDENT

By Resibo Republic Satirical News
Otternoyia International Terminal – July 27, 2025

In a stunning turn of sniffs, Sardina Lutra, the Duchess of Defense and Snacks, found herself once again at the center of controversy after her staff was intercepted at Otternoyia International Airport carrying duffel bags stuffed with raw cash.

The bags, discreetly labeled “Confidential Snacks Only,” were flagged by security otters after one of them began oozing mysterious heat and a scent that smelled suspiciously like guilt and crumpled pork barrel.

💬 “It’s just lunch money,” says Sardi’s camp.

Spokesotter Rocky Hairfish Jr. immediately downplayed the incident, claiming the ₱123 million in cash was simply “emergency educational funds for tribal dolphins” and “advance payment for dried sea cucumbers.”

“We see nothing unusual. Our leaders travel with lunch money. It’s part of our security protocol. Besides, the cash was tightly bundled in rubber bands. That’s accountability right there,” Hairfish quacked confidently, before being ushered into a VIP lounge with blackout windows.

✈️ An Otternoyian customs officer speaks out:

According to a snitch (codename: Mahi-Mahi Insider), the suspicious luggage was waved through until one airport worker accidentally sneezed on the bag, triggering the Confidential Fund’s Anti-Sniff Alarm™ — a system allegedly funded in last year’s ₱150 million “Peace Caravan” budget.

“We were told not to look directly at the money,” the officer whispered. “It’s confidential, they said. If we stare too long, it becomes a matter of national security.”

🐾 Bumbum Mermakmak reacts — or doesn’t.

Asked about the incident during a visit to the Golden Trampoline Museum, Bumbum Mermakmak refused to comment, stating only:

“I trust Sardi. She has good taste in snacks and… spending.”

Meanwhile, Matti Pawmaldezz has proposed a ₱300 million budget insertion to fund a new Confidential Cash Transport Training School, citing the urgent need for “bag etiquette” among young staffers.

💼 Is this the end of the Snack Fund Saga?

Of course not. Sources say more confidential bags are in circulation, some reportedly air-dropped into secret otter lagoons across the Resibo Republic.

When asked if she’ll return the funds or provide receipts, Sardi Lutra simply raised an eyebrow and sipped from her tactical taho mug, engraved with the words:

“No resibo, no problem.”

Stay tuned as The Sniffing Continues™.