Proposed 2026 National Budget: ₱6,793 Trillion
Kung akala mo Star Wars ang pinakamalaking saga — mali ka. Sa Resibo Republic, mas malupit pa: Budget Wars: The Insertions Saga. At ang bida? Hindi si Luke Skywalker, kundi si BBM at ang kanyang tropang Pawmaldezz. 🦦💸
Scene 1: The Opening Crawl ✨
A long time ago, in a Congress not so far away…
The House presents a proposed budget of ₱6,793 trillion pesos. Oo, TRILLION. Parang lahat ng otters, pusit, at tilapia sa dagat ay nabenta na para pondohan ‘to.
Scene 2: The Hidden Insertions 🕵️♂️
Habang busy si Bumbum sa kanyang “unity speech,” si Marty Pawmaldezz naman ay parang Jedi Master ng budget insertions.
- ₱500B for “Miscellaneous”
- ₱300B for “Confidential”
- ₱1T for “Special Projects” (a.k.a. walang nakakaalam kung para saan)
Sara Lutra: “Hoy, bakit parang teleserye script ‘to na puro plot holes?”
Marty: “Shhh… this is the way.”
Scene 3: The Senate Showdown ⚔️
Sa Senate, may mga nagtanong kuno. Pero syempre, parang teleserye na may commercial break bago pa lumalim ang eksena. Pagbalik, approved na agad.
Imeldita Shellshell’s ghost floats by:
“Anak, don’t forget the budget for diamonds. Small lang naman, ₱200B.” 💎👻
Scene 4: The Cliffhanger Ending 🎭
As the Speaker gavels, dramatic freeze frame:
👉 “Budget Approved. Insertions Secured. See you in Budget Wars 2027.”
📢 Audience Reactions:
- “₱6,793 trillion? Eh kahit 10 lifetimes ng OFWs, di pa rin kaya ipunin ‘yan.”
- “Parang fanfiction na may plot twist kada page.”
- “Budget hearings or teleserye? Pareho lang pala — may kontrabida, bida-bidahan, at walang nananalo kundi insertions.”
💡 Moral of the Story:
Sa Resibo Republic, ang tunay na science fiction ay hindi sa Netflix — nasa national budget. 🚀